the puns

Josh S: "Sometimes I don't make any sense."

me: "Every once in a while, I make some dollars." 

Almost a year

It's been almost a year since I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My story started a long time before that, but Oct 31, 2016 was the day I actually went to the doctor.

Published Poetry!!

I have spent the last 4 years in a lot of different ways, and some of it was spent writing poetry. I've posted some of my recent poetry here on this blog.

But now, I've spent the last few months putting together the best of my poetry! I've published it to Lulu.com, a refutable website to my knowledge. It was researched by a friend of mine and found to be very easy to work with, as well as giving a good amount of the profit.

So I'm selling my book on this website. It's discounted right now for the first 10 sales! After that I'll put it back to full price, at $20.69.

Buy my new book of poetry here at Lulu.com. 

http://www.lulu.com/shop/ashley-spence/hardcover-poetry/hardcover/product-23398348.html

Lecrae: powerful lyrics

I thought I could post a lyric video for a song every once and a while on here. This song by Lecrae is one I always turn up in the car.

Mom's visiting

My mom is flying up from AZ tomorrow! She'll be here from Saturday to Wednesday. She has to do half a day's worth of flying to get back and forth, so it's 3 days and 2 half-days. I've got a list of attractions that I want to show her, it's gonna be cool. I want to take pictures while she's here, because I don't see her as often now that I'm away and I don't come home during school breaks or stuff. I'll probably post pictures on Facebook, but I might post them here, too. :)

P.S. Rickey, you and Noah should come visit me. I miss you guys.

Finally getting a job!

So yesterday I met with a couple who has two kids that they need after-school care for. The mom was so sweet! We talked for a long time before the husband arrived and we got him caught up on what we talked about. I don't want to overstep the boundaries of online information, since I haven't asked about what she's comfortable with me sharing online about her family. But suffice it to say that I'm very excited, and I'm starting next Thursday. :)

Current anxiety level:
Lint-rolling the floor, because I hate how loud a vacuum cleaner is, and I also don't want to have to go down and get it from the closet. The walk of shame up to my room, trying to lug the heavy vacuum cleaner up the stairs... I'd rather lint-roll the floor, spot clean it. There are lots of little black pieces from a pair of boots I got out, the inner lining is coming apart, so when I was zipping them up, the black pieces got all over. I got it pretty clean, too. Now I just have to make my bed, and the room will look much better. But still. I hate vacuums.

Poem and Music track combo

https://soundcloud.com/theytooktheusernames/save-me-a-seat-in-the-panic-room

This is the story behind an interesting song and a poem.

One day, I was feeling kinda overwhelmed socially, so I decided to clear out the floor of my closet, put a pillow and blanket in there, and bring my laptop in with me. I turned on my twinkle lights, and it was dimly lit and comfy and quiet. Then I created the song "Save me a seat in the panic room." A few days later, I wrote this poem, inspired by how I felt. I played the song as I wrote it, and it's cool to listen to it and read the poem at the same time.

Save me a seat in the panic room

One step behind the other,
I keep my eyes ahead.
I'll keep myself together
If I watch where I have tread.

I'm sure I'm being hunted
By monsters in the night.
Not sure if I've been stunted,
Or if this is their true height.

But if the shadows wavered,
Or gave way to my stare,
I'd sing instead of quaver
And stand with shoulders square.

No time to sit and panic
Or just wait for the dawn.
Until I leave the manic,
I must keep trudging on.

Wait until I'm with you,
And then I might break down.
Take comfort when it's through,
When at last pain makes a sound.

Just save me a seat in the closet
I'm fighting my fears now:
Fear was the one to cause it,
But I will answer how.

Ashley Spence

August 8, 2017

I hope to write more poems based on songs in the future. It was really fun.

I really do like songwriting in itself, as in, lyrics that go to music, but poetry is different. You can read a poem over and over, and dwell on one word for as long as you want. But in a lyrical song, you hear the words once, within a certain period of time. Sure, you can replay the song and think about the lyrics again, but most of the time, the song has one shot to get you to think about its meaning. Poetry can have more layers and depth to it than a song can. If a song is just a poem put to music, it can be difficult to understand its meaning right away. 

To turn a poem into a song, you kind of have to stick with one thought. You can repeat phrases to get the thought across, though, which is helpful. In the end, songwriting and poetry are separate things. It takes a study of both to excel in it, and if you're just good at poetry your songs might not be as good. It takes practice. 

I should practice songwriting more often. :)

My Remix Demo

Hey! I'm sharing a link, on this blog only, of the first take of my remix. I'm in the process of adding more right now, but this is what I've gotten polished since yesterday. It's a secret link, just so that I don't spam my SoundCloud followers with an unfinished track, but so that I can share it with the guy whose song I'm remixing.

https://soundcloud.com/theytooktheusernames/dreamers-can-dream-remix-by-the-dreamer/s-AecGE

Legit or Scam?

I'm having an internal struggle right now, I've got trouble trying to figure out if someone is a scam or not.
I had replied to their job offer on the website I mentioned in an earlier post, and a lot of the details seemed very reasonable, but some details were missing. I know that I can be gullible, that people can trick me, but then sometimes I can see things in people that they can't see themselves. I can't tell if I'm intuitive with people or if I'm not, and people walk over me. I can't decide what to do.
I'm getting help with the decision of course, and the employer in question did offer to meet in a public place (a McDonalds) for the first meeting, so that's a good sign. I'll probably just have someone come with me, so I can get a second opinion of them.

In other news, I'm making a remix of a song!
I've done it before, it was really intricate, and I enjoyed it.
The original song is here, I follow this guy on SoundCloud.

"Dreamers Can Dream" by Jarren Crist - https://soundcloud.com/jarren-crist/dreamers-can-dream

I really like the song, so I'm gonna add some extra synth.
Maybe a drum track, some layers of chords...yeah.

I'm gonna put my own spin on it. :) 

I just hope that, with the whole job thing, that it really isn't a scam. The email had kind of bad grammar, but some people make grammar mistakes, especially ones who aren't technologically adept. If you could, would you pray for me that I would be able to discern whether it's real or not? I need it right now. Thanks. :)