Coffee in my veins

Hey it's been a while!!! 

These days, I've been home most of the time, but my goal is to start back up at work again this week. The reason I stayed home from work in the first place (I'm working with Shipt so it's up to me how much I work or don't work) was because I ran out of my meds and it took about 3 weeks to get all of them refilled. That long without them took a hard hit on my mental health. And it wasn't just my adderall that I ran out of, which would have just sent me back into sleep-all-day-without-energy-to-focus-on-work-or-anything, but it was my antidepressant too. I shoulda gotten back into the groove of things sooner than now, but that's in the past now and I'm just gonna focus on getting up tomorrow on Monday and getting my coffee, meds, breakfast, and being dressed for a day of shopping down in the part of town that gets more Shipt orders in the morning. I think that I'm going to also get something ready for Alex to eat for lunch so that I don't feel tied to coming back at that time so that I can cook him something. 

Lol, Lily is staring at her shadow on the carpet floor... 

Anywho, tomorrow's gonna be good. So during September I decided that I wanted to see how I would feel if I cut out coffee, so I started on October 1st so that I could track it as a month. I made it to the 14th and I was just so drained of everything I needed to do work, and I decided 2 weeks was enough to tell me all I needed to know. I need coffee. After that, I went back to the previous single cup in the morning, but then the past couple days I've been making French press coffee and having a second cup at lunch. I started using the French press because I ran out of normal coffee grounds :P And I've had the special grounds for the French press for a while now, they've just been sitting in my cupboard. And from everything I've seen after having more coffee during the day, it's a lot better, and I've had the motivation I needed to move around and clean the apartment and get things done. I CERTAINLY need to exercise. I've started to become more aware of that lately, and, well, I guess I've finally been able to separate the shame I associated with my general dislike of exercise and failure to meet the expectations of what I should have been able to do physically. My heart rate always skyrocketed whenever Mom would make me work out with her (which was mostly just walking! Speed walking, but still. Also if there was ever any incline, it was instantly a killer for me) and I never made aerobic exercise a routine or habit in order to try to fix this. 

Oh I see what Lily's been staring at!! It's a bug, probably a fruit fly from the bag of garbage I have sitting by the door for me to take out to the dumpster tomorrow...she's hunting it, haha. 

Well :) If anybody reads this, send me a text or an email and let me know how you are doing! I have so much stuff that I need to get better at, and keeping up with my good friends through the internet is one of those things. I just need to establish habits for all of it. Please pray for me, I really need to get these habits in place soon. In a year we might start having kids, and that'll be another thing to learn, so I need to have this stuff down so that it isn't another thing to add to the pile!

Love you all! Have a great week and a wonderful Thanksgiving. Maybe I'll write again before then, but just in case. :)

 

haiku: "artificial"

the days grow shorter
the nights bring the need for these
artificial lights
 

—ACB, Oct 21